The nips don’t lie.
Kim Kardashian launched her latest product — the Skims Ultimate Nipple Bra ($62) — on October 31st, and it is safe to say that fans were shocked at the eye-popping design, which also served as a PSA on global warming with 10% of sales going towards 1% for the Planet, a network that supports environmental organizations.
The bra is a cheeky twist on the shapewear company’s loved push-up bra ($54) and comes fully loaded with two rock-hard built-in nipples that would send a chill down anyone’s spine.
Call it curiosity, but I simply had to try the product out for myself — especially after the style sold out in less than 48 hours. So I took my nips (or should I say Kim’s nips?) for a whirl around the Big Apple.
To set the scene, I am a 5’1″ girl with rather “fun-sized” boobs, so my weariness going into this trial was high. When I put the bra on I was surprised by the immediate comfort; the fabric was soft and breathable while keeping my girls very supported.
However, I was taken aback by my image in the mirror as it seemed my tiny but mighty girls had jumped to a D cup in no time at all. The push-up in the bra is hefty and added a lot of plumpness that really made the nipples stand out.
While first putting on my top, I thought, “Oh! This isn’t too crazy!” but soon after the temporary boob lift wore off I began to only see two things: nipple 1 and nipple 2.
This bra is not for the faint of heart, so to speak, and I would only recommend it for those who are ready to fearlessly walk with their chest out loud and proud.
I found that trying to find a happy medium wasn’t going to happen, it was all nip all the time — even through the multiple layers I was wearing.
Leaving my house, I felt bold and busty as I made my way to the subway. I could sense the confusion on the tired faces across from me, but no one dared to address the elephant — er, nipples — in the room.
Do hard nipples count as workplace attire? Yes, that’s right, I dared to wear my nipple bra to the office. With fear deep in my bosom, I marched into work ready to see a few deer-in-headlight looks at my, well, headlights.
For most of the day I forgot about the nipples completely, but with the occasional questioning from my work pals of, “Oh! I thought maybe you were really cold…” I was brought back to reality. No matter what angle I turned, the nipples in their oddly symmetric shaping and placement followed.
Out on the mean streets of midtown NYC was where things began to get dicey. In a new outfit for my after-work drinks, I headed back into the city and was utterly shocked at the comments I received from passersby, with one man yelling, “You look beautiful” followed by a wink.
I think if this bra has taught me anything, it’s that women’s objectification is not on the decline.
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Would I wear this bra again? No. If I am going to free the nipple, then I will be freeing my own. The bras felt too machine-made and unrealistic to the actual sizing and intricacy of actual nipples.
Secondly, I felt like an imposter in this bra; these boobs were not my size and the nipples were not my nipples — it didn’t feel authentic. All of this being said, I support the messaging that this bra encourages, which is that women should not fear their breasts or be afraid to go nips out because of societal standards. I also think that this bra could be really empowering for women who have survived breast cancer or for those who are transitioning.
So, no, the nipple bra isn’t a total bust (no pun intended), but it isn’t for me.